Miscarriage, the loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks, is a deeply personal and often unspoken grief. If someone you know has experienced this loss, their pain might feel invisible, making it difficult to offer comfort and support.
But even during this emotional time, your words and actions can make a significant difference.
Remember:
- Miscarriage is common. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet it remains a topic shrouded in silence. Acknowledge that this is a real and significant loss.
- There are no magic words. Sometimes, just being present and offering support is more meaningful than any specific phrase.
- Focus on their feelings. Instead of minimizing their experience, validate their emotions with phrases like “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “This must be incredibly difficult.”
Here are some helpful things to say:
- “I’m thinking of you during this difficult time.”
- “I’m here for you if you want to talk, cry, or just sit in silence.”
- “Would you like me to bring you a meal or help with errands?”
- “There is no shame in feeling sad, angry, or confused.”
- “Miscarriage is not your fault.”
- “Your baby was loved and wanted, even if they were briefly here.”
- “If you’d like, I can share some resources on miscarriage support groups or therapists.”
Things to avoid:
- Offering unsolicited advice or opinions. Focus on listening and supporting their journey, not dictating how they should feel.
- Making comparisons or using cliches. Phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least you can try again” are often unhelpful and insensitive.
- Minimizing their loss. Sentences like “it was just early on” or “you haven’t even met the baby yet” invalidate their emotional experience.
- Pressuring them to talk. Respect their need for privacy and space if they aren’t ready to open up.
Remember:
- Be patient and understanding. The grief process takes time. Offer consistent support without expecting immediate recovery.
- Offer practical help. Cook a meal, bring groceries, or babysit other children to ease their burden.
- Don’t forget about their partner. They are also grieving the loss and may need support.
- Check in regularly. Let them know you’re thinking of them even if you don’t hear back immediately.
Lastly, remember that even offering the simplest gestures of support can make a world of difference to someone grieving a miscarriage. You might not be able to erase their pain, but your presence and kindness can help them navigate this difficult journey.