Can you share a bit about your own experience when your children started school and how it impacted you emotionally?
My kids have been in full time daycare since they were young babies, so I expected the transition into preschool and kindergarten to be pretty seamless for me. I’m surprised how emotional it’s been each year as they embark on a new “grade.”
My oldest is starting Kindergarten this fall, and when I went to the school to register him, I was a puddle of tears on the drive home. I didn’t expect that! For me, starting school isn’t necessarily about the actual grade, but it marks the passage of time and the inevitable shift that my kids are becoming more and more independent. It’s the realization that they will start having experiences that I know will be challenging for them. Having to meet new friends, feeling excluded at times, understanding how to listen and follow directions, feeling frustrated while learning new things… these are all the building blocks of independence, but experiences I know will push them in ways that they haven’t yet been pushed.
My middle child is more independent, and the transition into preschool for her has been a bit less emotional for me. It depends on the kid and it also helps to have been through it once before!
What are some of the most common emotional challenges moms face when their kids start school?
It’s completely normal to struggle throughout this shift (and also totally okay if you are doing just fine). Accept the feelings- the good and the bad- as they come. It’s a big change and it’s okay to treat it as one! If you haven’t been away from your child for a chunk of time, now is the time to start practicing. Leave your kids with a partner, family member, or a babysitter and do something for yourself. Get your nails done. Go to a park and read. Actually do those Amazon returns that you’ve been meaning to do for weeks. Spending some time away can be helpful before schools starts.
What are some ways to prepare for the first day?
Practice the morning for you and your child before the first day. The shift in routine can be challenging, so get your kids dressed, pack their backpack, and drive them to the school. Is there a playground? Can you walk around the hallways if the school is open? Getting more comfortable with the routine and being able to visualize where your child will be will be helpful for both you and them.
After you drop them off for the first time, plan something low key and simple for yourself. You deserve a reward! If you are working, clear your calendar when it’s possible. Celebrate getting through the start of this.
What types of anxieties or fears do mothers often experience when their children begin preschool or kindergarten?
This is something we talk to moms about all the time at Matrescence Therapy. Your child starting school can often evoke a lot of emotions and memories of our own schooling experience. Most of us can remember challenging (and also exciting) moments of our early school years. You might be even more anxious than your child is because of these experiences.
Where will my child sit if they don’t know anyone in the class? How will they know to ask to go potty? What if they cry the whole time asking for mom? What if they don’t eat?
Remember, while this is new to your family, it’s not new to the teachers in the class. They are experts in handling all of these concerns and more! Check in with your child’s teacher and communicate your concerns (trust me- they are used to it!).
How common is it for mothers to feel guilty or have mixed emotions about their children starting school?
Very! It can be a huge shift from a loud lively home to a quiet time, involving less child centered time and potentially more mom time.
It’s totally okay to embrace the hours of childcare as an opportunity to engage in things that may have not been available before. A work out class? A solo trip to Target? An uninterrupted work meeting? Coffee with a coworker? Ask yourself what matters most.
How important is having a support system during this time, and what forms can this support take?
I can’t emphasize this enough. Having a support system is so crucial. Most of the other moms in your child’s class are going through the same rollercoaster as you. Get comfortable reaching out to other moms and setting up a playdate with the kids, or drinks for the adults! Personally, having a few close friends with the same aged kids navigate this with me has been the most important thing for my emotional wellness.
How can therapy help mothers navigate the transition of their children starting school?
This is a major transformation and support is easy to access. Therapy can help normalize this experience, engage in coping strategies, and also identify signs that you may be struggling more than usual. Matrescence Therapy is honored to navigate this journey with you.