You’ve probably heard about the baby blues. Maybe even postpartum depression or anxiety.
But there’s another emotion that creeps in for many new parents—and it’s not often talked about. It’s anger. Big, hot, can’t-believe-this-is-coming-out-of-me kind of anger. Sometimes it shows up as yelling over spilled breast milk, slamming cabinets after a sleepless night, or feeling like your blood is boiling when your baby won’t stop crying.
Sound familiar?
If so, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not a bad parent. You might be experiencing postpartum rage, and it’s way more common than you think.
Let’s break it down. What exactly is postpartum rage? How is it different from regular parental anger? What’s going on in your brain and body? And most importantly—how do you deal with it without drowning in shame?
Is Postpartum Rage a Thing?
Yes. 100% yes. Postpartum rage is a real, very valid emotional experience that many parents go through—but it’s often missed or misunderstood.
Postpartum rage isn’t just “moodiness” or the occasional irritated sigh. It can feel intense and out of control. It may come on suddenly or simmer under the surface for days. And for many, it’s terrifying.
What makes postpartum rage so tricky is that it often doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It can be a symptom of postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD—but even on its own, it’s worthy of attention and support.
Some common signs of postpartum rage include:
- Yelling, screaming, or snapping over minor things
- Physical tension (jaw clenching, muscle tightness, headaches)
- Feeling out of control when angry
- Immediate shame or guilt after an outburst
- Racing thoughts or irritability that feels constant
- Overwhelm that turns into anger at your partner, your baby, or yourself
You might feel like no one else is talking about it—but so many people are feeling it. You’re not alone, and there are tools to help you move through it.
How Long Does Postpartum Aggression Last?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. For some people, postpartum rage fades after a few weeks or months—especially if it’s tied to hormonal changes early in postpartum recovery. For others, it lingers much longer, especially if left untreated or unacknowledged.
The biggest determining factor? Support. Whether that’s therapy, medication, rest (bless it), or just being able to say out loud, “I’m really struggling,” support makes all the difference.
If your rage is becoming frequent, intense, or affecting your ability to parent or connect with your family, it’s time to reach out. Talking to a therapist who understands perinatal mental health can help you figure out what’s going on under the surface—and what to do next.
We offer individual therapy, couples counseling, and family support for exactly these moments. You don’t have to keep white-knuckling it.
What Is the 5-5-5 Rule Postpartum?
The 5-5-5 rule isn’t directly related to postpartum rage, but it is connected to the concept of postpartum healing—and it’s one many people swear by.
Here’s the basic idea:
- 5 days in bed
- 5 days on the bed
- 5 days near the bed
This guideline encourages new parents (especially birthing people) to rest and recover after delivery, rather than jumping right back into chores, visitors, and emotional labor.
While it’s not always practical (especially for those with multiple kids or limited support), the message is clear: you need rest.
Exhaustion is a huge trigger for postpartum rage. When your body and brain are fried, it’s much harder to regulate emotions—even the mild ones, let alone anger.
So if you’re deep in the rage cycle, one of the most compassionate things you can do is slow down, rest, and ask for help.
What Are the Symptoms of Postpartum Psychosis?
Let’s clear something up right away: postpartum rage is NOT the same as postpartum psychosis.
Postpartum psychosis is rare but serious. It usually appears within the first two weeks after childbirth and is considered a psychiatric emergency. It includes symptoms like:
- Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren’t there)
- Delusional thinking (believing things that aren’t true)
- Paranoia or confusion
- Rapid mood swings
- Disconnection from reality
- Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, seek emergency medical help immediately.
That said, postpartum rage is not a sign that you’re “going crazy.” It’s often the product of unmet needs, unspoken emotions, overstimulation, and sheer exhaustion. Therapy can help you understand the difference and find ways to support yourself safely.
What Is Parental Anger?
So now let’s talk about parental anger—something separate from postpartum rage, but still very real.
Parental anger is frustration, irritability, or outright rage that shows up as part of the ongoing stress of parenting. It doesn’t necessarily start postpartum and isn’t limited to new parents. It can happen when your 3-year-old won’t put on their shoes or when your teenager slams their bedroom door… again.
It’s that feeling of:
- “I’m doing everything, and it’s still not enough.”
- “I’m touched out and burned out.”
- “If one more person asks for a snack, I’m going to scream.”
Unlike postpartum rage, parental anger isn’t necessarily tied to hormonal shifts—but it is often related to chronic stress, overstimulation, lack of support, and emotional burnout. And yes, it’s super common.
How Do You Deal With Parenting Anger?
You deal with it the same way you’d help your toddler regulate a tantrum: with awareness, patience, and a whole lot of compassion.
Here are some tips to start:
- Name it. “I’m feeling really angry right now.” Naming it brings it out of your nervous system and into your awareness.
- Pause. Step out of the room. Put the baby down safely. Breathe.
- Check your needs. Are you hungry? Tired? Touched out? Need to cry?
- Apologize when needed. Repair is more powerful than perfection.
- Get support. Talk to a therapist or join a parenting group. You don’t have to do this alone.
Parenting anger doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a human one.
Why Do I Get So Angry as a Parent?
Because parenting is hard. Full stop. It’s beautiful, yes. But it’s also relentless, exhausting, and overwhelming. And if you’re parenting with a trauma history, neurodivergence, lack of support, or perfectionist tendencies? That anger can build up fast.
Often, our anger is trying to protect us. It says:
- “I need help.”
- “I feel invisible.”
- “This is too much.”
When we can listen to what our anger is actually trying to tell us, it becomes a doorway—not a dead end.
What Happens When You Grow Up with an Angry Parent?
If you grew up walking on eggshells around an angry parent, you know how deeply it can affect your sense of safety and self-worth. You might:
- Struggle with conflict or confrontation
- Feel like you have to be perfect to be loved
- Fear becoming like your parent
- Overcorrect by suppressing all emotion—or repeating the same patterns
The good news? Patterns can be broken. Through awareness, support, and healing, you can learn to parent differently—and give your kids the emotional safety you may not have had.
And if you’re carrying guilt about your own postpartum rage, know this: what matters most is what you do next. Your willingness to reflect, repair, and grow already makes you a cycle-breaker.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone in This
Whether you’re navigating postpartum rage, general parenting anger, or old wounds that are resurfacing—please hear this: you are not broken. You are not the only one. And there is help.
Your anger isn’t the enemy. It’s a signal. A message. A flashlight pointing to something that needs care.
Therapy can help you explore the roots of that rage, practice new tools, and reconnect with the calm, steady parent you already are deep down.
We’re here when you’re ready—with individual therapy, family counseling, and support that meets you where you are. You’re not failing. You’re human. And healing is possible. One breath, one pause, one brave conversation at a time.